Light breaks in the Kripalu sky

Anxious again! I think it goes like this when you’re at your edge – that point of not-quite-pain, but definite discomfort as you push your boundaries; you have ups and down, moments of finding your footing interspersed with free-falling and fear. The biggest lesson I’m learning is that to create a more relaxed Amanda, I definitely need to learn some more positive mental habits; the challenge is learning to be more positive and still feeling authentic. I’ve made a lot of progress in recent years, through therapy and meditation, but I still put so much pressure on myself to figure everything out NOW.  I’m also realizing – to my surprise – how much body awareness I lack. My teacher, Jillian, has pointed out tension I didn’t even realize I was holding.

I’m also stimulated in a way I haven’t been in a long time; I can’t remember the last time I was so hungry to learn. I want to learn about Ayurvedic medicine, about energy healing; I even want to learn more about anatomy, which is a huge shocker considering my supreme disinterest in science class growing up – and how much I dislike yoga classes that emphasize anatomy (“feel your pelvic floor”…um, no thanks). But now  I want to understand how the body fits together, so I can help people find neutral alignment and therefore truly relax.

It’s ironic, isn’t it, to have such an intense experience that centers around relaxation?

Something Jillian said on day 1 that feels very profound to me, is that providing people with boundaries helps them relax. This resonates for me on a metaphorical level, but she also meant it very literally: In restorative yoga, part of how you prop a person’s body up involves helping them feel where their body meets floor, using blankets along the outside edge of someone’s legs, or feet, or head, to help them feel tucked in and cocooned. Within this structure, body parts that have years of tension stored inside them can simply melt.

This morning, I watched a woman go from having a huge arch in her back from chronic stress…to being propped and swaddled, basically, with blankets and bolsters and towels… to lying with her back flat on the floor, only 15 minutes later. It was incredible. We all felt like we’d witnessed a miracle. She experienced so many sensations as she lay there, supported by props — muscle groups releasing that she hadn’t been able to relax for years, even fluid drainage in her head… it’s all connected.

I’m late for my afternoon session so I’ll leave you with that. Later: my first asana practice here at Kripalu, followed by my first kirtan ceremony. I’m going all-in, people!

Tags: kripalu, Restorative Yoga, training